Cultivating Spaciousness ~ Part 2

Inside Looking Out ~ The Seattle Public Library ~ November 2010

* * *

"Healing, when properly understood,

merely means casting a firm decision

in the direction of your Higher Self's priorities."

~Doreen Virtue

Journal Entry ~ March 8, 2011

I have decided to take yet another Internet (social media) break.  After this past yoga training weekend, I feel the condition of information overload.  It's all just too much.

Distraction and over-stimulation...no wonder our culture has so much attention deficit!!!

The pseudo-communication does not make for deeper relationships.  I find myself being pulled in too many directions...and needing to cultivate more reciprocity.

I want to spend time slowing down, being centered, and nurturing the calm spirit within me; the place from which I am connected to Source and in the quiet zone where heart-centered connection and healing occur.

...The sources I am reading, The Cosmic Path and Self Ascension, both talk about *really* needing to let go of that which no longer serves....and making choices that will help usher in (birth) whatever 'new' world is coming.

Perhaps because of my age, I feel caught/torn between the 'old' and the 'new' (methods of communication and nurturing relationships)...And maybe neither system is the answer.

What is coming won't look like anything we've seen before.

* * * 

My spring cleaning is starting from the inside out this year.  This strong desire to re-prioritize how/where/when/with whom I spend my time and energy* has taken me by storm.   The cacophony of voices in my head must diminish so that I can acutely tune into the whisper of my Soul.

For, indeed, there is much more wisdom and many more answers (steeped in the juices of my own inner knowing) than I have long given myself credit for.  Recent manifestations and intuitive messages are leading me down this path...with a new-found sense of intrigue and trust.

In addition, I am buoyed by a tremendous thirst for deeper spiritual truth and relevant teachings regarding the current shifts taking place in the Universe.  (Two recent finds that I am enjoying immensely are Spiritual Partnership and The Light Shall Set You Free).

Absorbing and integrating the intense yogic teachings, as well as digesting what insights I am gleaning from other sources, is a demanding, visceral process for which my body leaves me no other choice.  This requires a great deal of rest, renewal, solitude, silence (my how I love quiet!), and ongoing nourishing self-care.

"When you create authentic power you determine what is healthy for you and what is not; what is worthy of your interest and what is not.  You decide which of your sensations, thoughts, and intentions originate in love and which originate in fear.  You become the authority in your life, and your life becomes a continual meditation.  Every experience offers you an opportunity to create authentic power or pursue external power."

~Gary Zukav

* * *

*Please, if you are someone with whom I have kept in contact with electronically, please take no offense at my choice to unplug for a time.  This decision in no way affects my desire to continue to cultivate meaningful, reciprocal relationships.  You, dear readers and friends, bring me great joy, happiness, encouragement, and inspiration.  I just need to re-design the ways in which I communicate so as to greatly limit my exposure to the myriad of 'stuff' that shows up in these forums ~ and to also deliberately enforce a sense of self-discipline upon myself so that I may perhaps move in a new direction (AND finish some long overdue tasks on the home front!).

"The ground rules of a life on the Earth have changed, and these changes are permanent.  Old ways of doing things don't work anymore, or they work but produce experiences we don't want.  Old ways of relating don't work anymore, either.  The new consciousness brings a new type of relationship that is as different from the old type as the new, multisensory consciousness is from the old, five-sensory consciousness."

~Gary Zukav

* * *

{Interestingly enough, I read the above quote just earlier today.  It seems I am making decisions (in favor of my Higher Self and that inner voice I am so keenly attempting to hear) and then, within a day or two, finding affirmation of these decisions in the printed words of others.  Wow.}

* * * 

Let it all come. 

And bless it all with your Light. 

But don’t hold on… 

not to anything… 

and let your heart do all the talking…

all the walking.. 

all the Being it can. 

It’s what we’re here for.

~Stephanie Azaria 

 * * * 

By the way, I will still be monitoring and responding to comments.  

I'd love to hear more about what you're cultivating these days.  :)

Cultivating Spaciousness ~ Part 1

Ferry Views ~ Puget Sound ~ Seattle ~ November 2010

 I adore the expansive skies of the Pacific Northwest!

It seems funny to say this, but there's a whole lot of nothin' going on around here these days.

Well, not nothing really, but *much*less* than could be happening.  

(From an outside perspective, anyway.)

And it's intentional.

I have simply lost any and all desire to hurry or be overly busy ~ or actually busy at all, for that matter. My spirit is truly calling me to slow (even further) down and continue to embrace the wisdom that can be found in solitude and silence.

It is a very restorative time ~ and it is proving to be quite rewarding.

My spiritual studies and self reflection continue on a daily basis.  {I am almost half-way through my year-long yoga teacher training ~ and that, in and of itself, is enough to rock my world!}

All of my decisions go through a much different filtering process now than they used to.  I think much of it has to do with my happiness project ~ and really honing in on where I find my joy.

I have long admired the concept of voluntary simplicity, and I dare say that I believe I am getting the hang of it!  (It involves much less striving and much more peace than what used to fill my days.)

Even well-meaning, good-sounding, admirably-intentioned opportunities are being left unattended because I find I am perfectly content with the simple, yet abundantly rich, routine that life offers me right now.

In talking with a dear friend earlier in the week, I likened my situation to that of digesting food.  You've got to take a break between meals to let your body digest and utilize what you've just consumed.  I am finding this to be true on my spiritual path as well.  Too much of even a good thing is still....well... too much!

In the midst of this spaciousness, there are a lot of changes going on in and around me.  (Interestingly enough, a great deal of it is being worked out in my dreams.)  Absorbing and adjusting to these transformative aspects of BE-ing requires time for digestion and integration.  Just like our computers, each time new software comes on board, a reboot is necessary!

Amazingly, many synchronicities surround me on an almost daily basis ~ enough to confirm that I am indeed on the 'right' track.  (I had two BIG intuitive hits/manifestations last week!)

If I'm sounding rather cryptic here, I apologize.  It's just that I seem to have trouble putting into words the nuances of all that is taking place ~ mainly because it's unlike anything I've ever gone through before.  

I wish I could say I coined the term at the top of this post.  However, the amazing Wayne Muller gets the credit.  His book A Life of Being, Doing, and Having Enough is brilliant!  Please visit his site and take advantage of whatever wisdom you can soak in.  (Here's an excerpt from a great blog post of his from last year.)

"To relentlessly force the tender wisdom, thoughtful reflection, and perceptive honesty of the human heart to conform to the ridiculously impossible, inhuman speed of the world, its effortlessly generated images and mind- driven technologies, is to do violence to our most precious, valuable treasure: the necessary guidance of the human heart. Without it, we may get more and more done, and push ever faster through the gauntlet of our to do list, but we may never, in the end, catch up to anything."

Hmmm...the necessary guidance of the human heart.

Perhaps it is that very landscape that I am discovering.

Freedom in the Grocery Store

Shepard Fairey Mural ~ Cincinnati, Ohio ~ January 2011

(See Shepard pasting it up here.)

I'm still toyin' around with my word of the year, FREEDOM.

Last night I was grocery shopping in Trader Joe's and they had some great music playing.  It was an amazing mix of stuff from the '80's and '90's that all worked well together.

Pretty soon, while cruising the aisles, I found myself singing along with this one....

Freedom! by George Michael.  

What great lyrics!!!

* * *

I won't let you down
I will not give you up
Gotta have some faith in the sound
It's the one good thing that I've got
I won't let you down
So please don't give me up
Because I would really, really love to stick around

Heaven knows I was just a young boy
Didn't know what I wanted to be
I was every little hungry schoolgirl's pride and joy
And I guess it was enough for me
To win the race? A prettier face!
Brand new clothes and a big fat place
On your rock and roll TV
But today the way I play the game is not the same
No way
Think I'm gonna get me some happy

I think there's something you should know
I think it's time I told you so
There's something deep inside of me
There's someone else I've got to be
Take back your picture in a frame
Take back your singing in the rain
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man

All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
Is that I don't belong to you
And you don't belong to me
Freedom
You've gotta give for what you take
Freedom
You've gotta give for what you take

Heaven knows we sure had some fun boy
What a kick just a buddy and me
We had every big shot good-time band on the run boy
We were living in a fantasy
We won the race
Got out of the place
I went back home got a brand new face
For the boys on MTV
But today the way I play the game has got to change
Oh yeah
Now I'm gonna get myself happy

I think there's something you should know
I think it's time I stopped the show
There's something deep inside of me
There's someone I forgot to be
Take back your picture in a frame
Don't think that I'll be back again
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man

All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
Is that I don't belong to you
And you don't belong to me
Freedom
You've gotta give for what you take
Freedom
You've gotta give for what you take

Well it looks like the road to heaven
But it feels like the road to hell
When I knew which side my bread was buttered
I took the knife as well
Posing for another picture
Everybody's got to sell
But when you shake your ass
They notice fast
And some mistakes were built to last

That's what you get

I say that's what you get

That's what you get for changing your mind

And after all this time
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes
Do not make the man

I'll hold on to my freedom
May not be what you want from me
Just the way it's got to be
Lose the face now
I've got to live 

* * *

Now, while it is likely that he was speaking of something very different than my current circumstances, it *did* strike me as a very yogic theme.

Taking off our masks.

Lifting the veils that disguise our divinity.

Speaking our truths.

Living our own lives.

Yoga FREES us from all manner of limitations so that we are FREE to be our True selves.

 "Yoga helps us find freedom in our bodies.

It also helps us to find freedom in our lives...

We start with yoga poses, of course~

mountain pose, warrior two...

in our bodies is where we practice yoga, 

and you have to do the practice to get the benefits.

Then we find the yoga poses hidden in plain sight,

among all the many details that fill up our days.

Really ~ your job, your broken heart, 

your communication problems in relationships ~ 

these are the Secret Lives of Yoga Poses.

And if you want them to,

these poses can deliver you to 
the brilliance at your very core.

It's true.

They can keep you in touch

with the freedom you are made of."

~Alison Alstrom 

Kick it, George!

The Look of Freedom

Front Porch Self Portrait ~ February 15, 2011

After 2 1/2 years of intentionally growing my hair longer (you can view comparison photos here), I declared myself DONE with that process this past weekend.  It feels remarkably liberating!

Also, you may recall that I've been on a teeth-straightening-mouth-expanding mission over the past 14 months.  (See the original post about that here.)  I only have 10 more weeks to go!

As the inner part of me continues to change, so does the outer ~ over and over and over again.

It feels really good to see yet another version of myself reflected in the mirror!     :-)

* * *

Is anything looking different in your world these days?
* * * 

Freedom to Move?

Photo source:  activerain

This is Moonlight Beach in Encinitas, California.   It has been a favorite place of mine since I first saw it in 1991.  (We've been back twice since then.)

That lone, tall palm tree is my beacon.  It is just spectacular.

(I'll try to post some of my own pics of this area soon ~ as they are stored on our old computer and not easily accessible.)

In the past, I have been known to say I want to live there.  Usually such utterances occur when the weather first gets cold here.  No one has ever really taken me seriously or given me the chance to explore this desire, including my husband.

As a result, I've been able to rationalize my way out of it and remain planted here in the Midwest.  Until now...

This has been kick-ass winter.  It has been an intense snowy, cold season since the first week of December.  And last week's *freaky*loud*and*wild* ice/wind storm (which graciously brought us a 36-hour electricity outage and 8 degree temps outside) pushed me over the edge.

As the mercury dropped inside my house (dipping down to 43 last Thursday morning), I could feel any remaining resolve I had left to stay here ebbing away.

Done!  Done!  DONE!

I have declared that this will be my last winter in Ohio.

 

If you're on Facebook, you know that I had a weird, synchronistic thing happen about two weeks ago.  I had just listened to LoriLyn's video post, in which she encourages us to ask our guides "Show me" ~ when we're uncertain of our next step.  I went to bed that night declaring a heartfelt 'show me'.

My dreams that night were vivid!  And then entire action centered around various aspects of Encinitas ~ and my not being able to get there due to a lot of obstacles in my way.

The next morning, as I sat in my living room for reading, journaling, and meditating ~ I opened a book at random to read a story of the author's guru visiting the United States ~ and staying in a guest house in.....Encinitas, California!  (That book is An Offering of Leaves by Ruth Lauer-Manenti)

This blew me away!  And clearly got my attention.

Believing that things 'come in threes', I waited for the third 'show me' sign from the Universe.

And it came last week.

I had been putting off reading a book for my yoga teacher training (mainly due to the power outage at home), so Thursday evening I snuggled on the couch under blankets and opened our assigned reading.  (This fabulous book is Moving Into Stillness by Erich Schiffmann.)

During the introduction, the author mentions that, early in his discovery of yoga, he moved to Encinitas to study the teachings of Paramhansa Yogananda.  (I discovered Yogananda during my last visit there in 2004 ~ and that introduction was a turning point in my relationship with yoga.)

The pull I feel to move there now is *very*strong*.

And my rational mind seems ill-equipped to come up with any acceptable reasons why I should not go.  I've tried every angle and they all pale in comparison to my soul-felt desire to move. 

I'm done being a martyr to the Midwest.



SO many areas of my life have changed these past few years.  One of the only constants has been my living situation.  And now I believe that is being hoisted up for inspection and introspection as well.

Just like all the other aspects of myself that demanded my attention, this one is seemingly not giving me a choice.  It *must*be*considered.

Please stay tuned...

The Freedom to Choose

World Peace Yoga Conference ~ Cincinnati ~ October 2010

Seeing this photo of my happy, radiant self on Facebook this week changed my world!

Thanks, Anna!!!

I have been in a funk most of the past few months.  Looking back, I can see that it started late in the Summer when my stepfather had a stroke.  At the time,  I rallied and went into adrenaline mode.  I was calm, cool, and collected.  That lasted for almost a month.

As the situation wore on and he eventually ended up in a nursing home ~ and summer turned to Fall ~ the grief settled into my being.  It was what I have come to call sneaky grief ~ meaning that, on the surface, everything seems fine, but it really isn't.

I went through the motions of daily living.  I enjoyed life as usual.  Only there was a heaviness that would not leave.

Grief has a way of hanging around.  It brings with it many losses from the past, too.   (WHY is this?) Ugh.

September and October were TOUGH.   November saw me feeling better and more hopeful. Then December came and it was ARDUOUS.  The first couple of weeks of January haven't been much easier.

I have been sidelined by grief ~ and the physical/emotional/spiritual toll cannot be ignored.  (Part of my need for so much rest lately, I believe.)

Through the process of allowing myself to be broken open during these past several months, I am mourning OLD losses (back to high school, really)...My father, other relatives, jobs, lovers, friends, our cats, dreams, unpleasant and hurtful realities, the many versions of how I thought my life would/should/could be...all things that were (apparently) not sufficiently dealt with at the time (For decades, I was a superstar at repressing emotions and just moving on).

Anyway, I'll skip the other details for now, as this was not my original intent for this post.

Fast forward to this past Wednesday ~ the Full Moon.  I had been feeling *really* anxious for a couple of days before it and was quite unsettled about that.  I ate a hardy breakfast and took a nap before going to work.  Then, in the afternoon, things shifted.  *Really shifted.*

I had an epiphany moment.

I want to ~ am ready to ~ be happy.  HAPPY.  HAPPY!

I thought of Bliss Chick and Marcy ~ and their recent losses and struggles.  If there are any two people I know who are great examples of choosing happiness in the midst of pain, it is these awesome women.  Their Lilypad truly is a...

It was almost like an infusion of wisdom came over me.  (In part, hearing my own words as I uttered them to a client this past week, "You know, you don't have to FEEL happy to BE happy.")

I realized I was FREE to CHOOSE happiness.   And not in some Band-Aid, pretend, count your blessings, trite, look-on-the-bright-side, unreal way.

No, this was a deliriously-in-love-with-life-no-matter-what kind of happy!  

And I recalled a book that other bloggers had worked through last year, The Happy Book.  And I went in search of it that very evening.

I found this instead:  The Happiness Project.  It immediately caught my attention.  I read through a few pages and *knew* it was my next book companion.  Today, I picked it up from the library. :-)

The good juju shift that happened on Wednesday (THANK YOU, Universe!) seems to be sticking around.    I'll be riding this wave for all it's worth, believe me.

I sense that, by dedicating myself to authenticity and healing, I have worked through yet another long round of necessary 'stuff' in order to arrive at this moment.  It is a glorious place to be....HAPPY.

Let the frivolity begin!

Guess Who Showed Up in My Garden?*

*Today's post is the 2nd in my series of Word Up! Wednesdays.

My word for the year is FREEDOM.   

* * * 

Last evening I sat quietly and listened to LoriLyn's Dreaming Gateway guided visualization.  She took me on a lovely journey through a doorway (which I saw as purple), into a garden (which was lush and green, located in my backyard), and over to a small pool.  In this pool, I was to see my reflection ~ my true self/soul looking back at me.  And as I gazed deeper into the water, some sense of my souls desire and purpose was to emerge.

Well,  I got nothin'.  Nothin' at all in the water.  It was black.  And I could barely make out my reflection.   I could not see myself or anything else in the water the way she was guiding me to do.
 
However, let's back track a minute and I'll tell you what I DID see!
(Thus, giving me the FREEDOM to witness and embrace the unexpected!)

Immediately beyond the purple doorway, I was welcomed by *radiant*warmth* and *sunshine*.  The specific types of plants were not as important as the fact that everything was lush and green.  There were flowers and vegetables, herbs and bird feeders, benches and a swing.

Then....there was Glinda.  You know, Glinda the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz.   SHE was in my garden!!!

Albeit,  a slightly more modern version of her ~ all dressed in blue ~ and frolicking about.

In the visualization, I WAS GLINDA!  I was the one in the blue dress, frolicking about, waving my magic wand over the other folks who were present.  (Adults & children, all seeming to have a good time.)  Everyone one was happy and smiling.

Now, this all seems rather silly, no?  Yeah, that's what I thought!

But since nothing else came to me through this dreaming gateway, I decided to go with it.  (Lorilyn was kind enough to point out that we might not 'see' anything ~ and it could be a good idea to sleep on it overnight and see if anything changed.)

As I awoke this morning ~ and started my coffee and journaling time ~ I decided to reflect back on the Glinda in my garden.

What does Glinda represent?

~magic
~healing
~lightness
~beauty
~delight
~kindness
~fun
~equanimity
(she waved her wand over everyone; no one was judged or excluded; everyone got their 'wish')
~someone concerned for my welfare 
~to help me find my way 'home' (back to myself)

WOW!!!  That's some powerful stuff!

(And, ultimately, ALL things I am needing (well, *craving* in my life right now.)


Interestingly enough, the Wikipedia entry about her says,

"She is the most powerful sorceress of Oz..."

"Glinda lives in a palace near the southern border of the Quadling Country, attended by fifty beautiful maidens from each country of Oz."

"She ultimately becomes the adult anchor in the Oz books, because she is never distracted or swayed, and always maintains absolute firmness of purpose - something that cannot be said for the other adult characters in the series such as the Wizard and the Shaggy Man or even the Good Witch of the North. They all fall short of Glinda's wisdom and resoluteness."

Photo from FanPop

 

So, there you have it!  My new 'avatar' is a version of Glinda in a blue dress with a magic wand ~ here to help me with claim my FREEDOM (power, healing, magic, goodness, light, warmth, sunshine, beauty...).

Needless to say, I'll be exploring this further in the days to come!

(Oh ~ and if you want to see the Wizard of Oz portion 

where Glinda shows up for the first time, click here.)

Word Up Wednesday*

 My word for 2011 is FREEDOM.

It came to me a couple of weeks ago ~ just appearing in my consciousness ~ and I *knew* it was right.

Throughout the year I will explore what this word comes to represent as the days unfold.  Currently, I am tossing back and forth the difference between freedom 'from' and freedom 'to'.

Back in 2008, when I had what I consider to be my major mid-life feminine awakening, my therapist told me, "This is the path you will walk for the rest of your life."

I was stunned by her remark and a horrified look came over my face.  (How could I *possibly* live this life of struggle, questions, longings, revelations, mysteries, defeats, emotional upheavals, worldview shatterings, for the rest of my life????)

She saw my trepidation and gently replied, "Oh.  I won't always be THIS hard, but you will never go back to sleep.  You will walk this path of womanhood for the rest of your life."

And indeed she was right.

(For what transpired over the past 2 1/2 years, you can see my original blog here.)

Fast forward to this week, when FREEDOM to continue on my healing journey is what is needed.  Freedom to heal.  Freedom to allow myself (aka: get out of my own way) to do what is necessary to take care of my physical/emotional/mental/spiritual self.

SOOOOO much healing has occurred since I commenced this intentional journey of saving my own life and unearthing my True Self.  But I am not finished.

And I need to remember that the need to heal will remain in some form or another for the rest of my life on this planet.

This month, Freedom to heal means:

~adding in more exercise (cardio and weights)
~changing up my supplements & embracing a system cleanse
~adding green smoothies back into my routine (although this is somewhat unappealing when it's 20 degrees outside!)
~supercharging the monitoring and re-directing of my monkey mind
~wearing and using various crystals (my most recent purchase is a Rainbow Tourmaline necklace)
~soaking up as much sunshine as I can get while it's available
~not watching the news or exposing myself to other forms of violence & negativity (people/places/things/conversations)
~spending more time on the yoga mat and in devotional mantra chanting

In my studies of yoga philosophy, I am struck by the meaning of Tapas ~  undertaking certain practices for cleansing the residue of daily living.  Look at that again...the residue of daily living.  Wow.

With the intensity of life on Earth right now, we are indeed collecting all manner of junk that needs to be continually cleared out in order for us to ascend.  (This marvelous woman has fantastic tools for assisting in that process!)

With just a few days of re-committing myself to this process, I can already tell a difference in the way I look and feel.  This reinforces my remembrance that healing is a personal, active, progressive, and transformative practice.

* * *

Are there areas of your life that need freedom to heal today?
Leave a comment and I'll be sure to include you in my meditations.
You can also click here to sign up for a free distance Reiki session with me!

Namaste'

* * *

*Word Up Wednesday will hopefully be a weekly chronicle of my FREEDOM in 2011.  
For those of you not aged enough to remember the original Word Up! song, you can see its history here.